If you read certain ladyblogs like I do, you will hear the word privilege a lot. I always knew that I'd probably qualify as privileged but I never realized what the opposite of economic privilege -- poverty -- is truly like. Although I make a hobby studying both ends of the economic spectrum, poverty and what it must be like was never so clear to me as when I read this recent blog post that is getting a lot of attention called "This is What It's Like to be Poor"
I thought about the contrast between being poor/unprivileged and my rather privileged existence through the lens of something that happened to me this week. I went running in my hood last weekend 2x (also a privilege to have a safe space to run outside) and I somehow ended up inflaming a joint in my lower back. By Monday morning, walking, sitting and standing were all painful. By Tuesday, my colleague told me "call my chiropractor right now!" at about 2:30 in the afternoon. Just having access to that knowledge -- who to call for help, is a privilege. And then the even bigger privilege -- my private health insurance for which I pay $200 a month in premiums and i'm sure my job pays at least 2x that, covers every visit I need with not even a co-pay. My fancy insurance also reimburses me 1/2 of my weekly $200 therapist bill, for a therapist who is out of network (in network therapy is $30 a visit). And I've been going to my therapist for about 4 years now. Weekly. And insurance has never said anything. But back to my back issue. Because I have a white collar office job, I was able to just shoot off an email saying I'm leaving at 4:00 to go get my back fixed. If needed, I could even have worked from home for several days that week (except when I had business meetings). That flexibility is a privilege. My boss' only response was feel better. Plus, if something crazy were wrong and I had to be out of work for months and months, I have private long term disability insurance that I purchased on my own and I have another LTD policy through my job. I could get paid for not working for years. Finally, if I were permanently disabled, I could live for free with my mom forever probably. And she would help me navigate and advocate for me to ensure I got all the benefits a disabled person is entitled to.
When you open your eyes, it is easy to see the privilege around you. For example, I woke up this morning thinking how wonderful to have a quiet, safe and serene place to sleep and live. I don't have to have roommates. I get to live in the exact neighborhood that I want to. Crime is not an issue (knock wood). I have easy access to everything I need -- from fantastic food to health care, and I don't even need a car to access it. But if I did, I could afford to buy and maintain one.
I think it's important to keep our eyes and ears open to be aware of our own privileges and ry hard to understand those who may not have them and figure out wayswe can help them overcome challenges that arise from their situation.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
The Smothering Power of Stuff
Yesterday I went with my mother, aunt and cousin to my grandmother's house to clean out any food that was left. My grandmother's house is packed with stuff. My grandfather was a "collector" and hobbyist who left behind tons and tons of stuff. Not hoarder level or anything. But just every space is packed, from the basement to the garage to the shed. Being there is overwhelming.
Besides feeling like I was drowning in stuff, the stuff brings out an ugly attitude in my mother. She accuses the caregivers that lived there of stealing what I think are pretty worthless valuables. She rants and raves about them. Meanwhile, she has inherited what most people would consider a sizeable sum, but yet is obsessed over the loss or theft of this $500 or less trinket. It blows my mind.
We also had a huge fight because my grandmother had always wanted me to take her china when she passed. There are 8 place settings. I declared that I only wanted 4 because I did not have room and would never use 8. My mother insisted that I take all or none.
Today with the benefit of a little space and time, I realize that I never want to go back to my grandmother's house again, at least not when my mother is there and probably not ever. The stuff is literally toxic in my mind now. There's no room to breathe and I personally feel there is nothing of value there and it should all be thrown out. My mother has declared that everyone in the family will come on one day in a few weeks and take what they want, but the few things that I would want are not worth going back for. I think my mother will be surprised because I think most of my cousins also won't even bother coming. What would they want out of a 95 year old woman's house?
It's a good lesson learned as I simplify my own living space. A good reminder for why it really is much healthier to live with less. I want to make room in my house for love, for light, for my soul to breathe. You can't do that when you are buried under mounds of stuff.
Besides feeling like I was drowning in stuff, the stuff brings out an ugly attitude in my mother. She accuses the caregivers that lived there of stealing what I think are pretty worthless valuables. She rants and raves about them. Meanwhile, she has inherited what most people would consider a sizeable sum, but yet is obsessed over the loss or theft of this $500 or less trinket. It blows my mind.
We also had a huge fight because my grandmother had always wanted me to take her china when she passed. There are 8 place settings. I declared that I only wanted 4 because I did not have room and would never use 8. My mother insisted that I take all or none.
Today with the benefit of a little space and time, I realize that I never want to go back to my grandmother's house again, at least not when my mother is there and probably not ever. The stuff is literally toxic in my mind now. There's no room to breathe and I personally feel there is nothing of value there and it should all be thrown out. My mother has declared that everyone in the family will come on one day in a few weeks and take what they want, but the few things that I would want are not worth going back for. I think my mother will be surprised because I think most of my cousins also won't even bother coming. What would they want out of a 95 year old woman's house?
It's a good lesson learned as I simplify my own living space. A good reminder for why it really is much healthier to live with less. I want to make room in my house for love, for light, for my soul to breathe. You can't do that when you are buried under mounds of stuff.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
More Than Money
My grandmother died last night. I was very close with her, and I see so much of me and my mother in her. For both better and worse. Especially when it comes to money.
My family has the opposite problem of what I think is the normal issue with money (overspending): we have issues spending money. Especially on ourselves. My grandmother lived through the Depression. She worked in factories and then she was a homemaker. She worked hard all of her life. She and my grandfather saved and saved. When she died, she received social security and a small pension. She still had more than 500K in the bank (from what I understand) and she was in her mid-nineties. Of course if she had lived for 5-6 more years in a nursing home, she would have spent all of that money. But she didn't. The problem is (in my mind anyway) that she scrimped so much she didn't let herself enjoy life when she was alive. She wore rags for underwear and wouldn't let us buy her new ones. When I would buy her nice things like new towels, she would simply fold them up and put them in the closet, saving them for god knows what and continue on using her rag towels.
I understand why my grandmother was the way she was and I admire her strong work ethic, thrift, determination and self-discipline that got her through the Depression and all the way to her mid-90s. That said, I wish that she'd been able to appreciate herself and feel a little more secure and been able to enjoy her time here more.
I was happy today because I was actually wearing a bra that I bought last month (immediately after I posted that I hadn't bought any clothes on this blog, ha). I fretted over buying it for months. I didn't need it, but it was beautiful. Finally it went on sale for $45 (it was normally closer to $100) so I swooped in and got it. I hope that I can live like that -- still finding the joy in little treats and 'pampering' myself, but being practical and honoring my grandmother's memory and never wasting anything.
My family has the opposite problem of what I think is the normal issue with money (overspending): we have issues spending money. Especially on ourselves. My grandmother lived through the Depression. She worked in factories and then she was a homemaker. She worked hard all of her life. She and my grandfather saved and saved. When she died, she received social security and a small pension. She still had more than 500K in the bank (from what I understand) and she was in her mid-nineties. Of course if she had lived for 5-6 more years in a nursing home, she would have spent all of that money. But she didn't. The problem is (in my mind anyway) that she scrimped so much she didn't let herself enjoy life when she was alive. She wore rags for underwear and wouldn't let us buy her new ones. When I would buy her nice things like new towels, she would simply fold them up and put them in the closet, saving them for god knows what and continue on using her rag towels.
I understand why my grandmother was the way she was and I admire her strong work ethic, thrift, determination and self-discipline that got her through the Depression and all the way to her mid-90s. That said, I wish that she'd been able to appreciate herself and feel a little more secure and been able to enjoy her time here more.
I was happy today because I was actually wearing a bra that I bought last month (immediately after I posted that I hadn't bought any clothes on this blog, ha). I fretted over buying it for months. I didn't need it, but it was beautiful. Finally it went on sale for $45 (it was normally closer to $100) so I swooped in and got it. I hope that I can live like that -- still finding the joy in little treats and 'pampering' myself, but being practical and honoring my grandmother's memory and never wasting anything.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Q4 baby, woohoo! The fun starts this month. In September of this year I fully satisfied my social security tax requirement. That means I get a nice chunk of change extra in all of my Q4 paychecks.
That alone makes Q4 awesome. I also have been wrestling with my health insurance company to get refunded money that they owe me (dating back since May) and I'm hopeful that comes in this month, because then I can finally submit whatever is left from those claims to my FSA account where I will have almost $1,000 that I can pay out to myself. Plus, I'm going to make a big donation to Goodwill, locking in a nice tax deduction for the second most magical time of the year, tax refund time. October -- April is definitely the time of the year when I get paid the most, between social security tax max out, bonus (praise be to the Gods) and then tax refund. And this year I have no big expenses. No house down payment to save for, no student loan to pay off, no crazy transfer taxes around a new mortgage. All mine to save! Woohoo!!!
That alone makes Q4 awesome. I also have been wrestling with my health insurance company to get refunded money that they owe me (dating back since May) and I'm hopeful that comes in this month, because then I can finally submit whatever is left from those claims to my FSA account where I will have almost $1,000 that I can pay out to myself. Plus, I'm going to make a big donation to Goodwill, locking in a nice tax deduction for the second most magical time of the year, tax refund time. October -- April is definitely the time of the year when I get paid the most, between social security tax max out, bonus (praise be to the Gods) and then tax refund. And this year I have no big expenses. No house down payment to save for, no student loan to pay off, no crazy transfer taxes around a new mortgage. All mine to save! Woohoo!!!
Sunday, October 6, 2013
More on Minimalism
Even though I'm on a plane for almost six hours, I'm still minimizing. Or plotting what I'll do when I get home anyway. I made a list for each room of things I would like to eliminate. As I mentioned in my last post, a lot of the things that I don't want/need I received as gifts, or handme downs. So they have sentimental value. For example, I have a collection of mugs that I got from traveling, or at different points in my life, like grad school, even one from when I was a child. I also have an entire tea setting (little saucer and plates) that came with my dish set. Although those are beautiful, I have not used them once in four years. Also, my mugs are smaller than I like, so although I drink tea at home frequently, I don't use the mugs. I use a ceramic travel mug. I seriously think I can eliminate both the tea set and most of the mugs. I found a beautiful black ceramic Mikasa mug on eBay and ordered two of them. I can replace the entire tea set and mismatched mug collection with 2 mugs. So although this cost me more money ($30) versus the old mugs and tea set which were free, the mugs are exactly what I want/need. I think in the long run it is worth it!
I have become a minimalist
Ok, so not completely, but I'm so excited I feel like I've found religion or something.
I've always been really into organizing and de-cluttering. When I go visit my mom, I choose one space to de-clutter at a time. I've done most of her house at this point.
Yesterday I drank coffee which I literally never do (blame the pumpkin spice). I went crazy organizing and de-cluttering my apt. Now, my apt. is generally very neat, if not a bit dusty with hairballs. But since I moved in a year or so ago, I never really organized my closets. I have more space now than I ever have, so I didn't have to make the most of it like in my old place. It bums me out on the regular when I look at my closets and they are just kind of messy. I like neatness and organization.
So yesterday I became inspired and bought two e-books on minimalism and read them both. In between, I spent probably 10 hours sorting through my stuff. For the first time, I really looked at everything and evaluated whether it was worth keeping or not. I have always thought of myself as having a pretty lean wardrobe, but I still added another 2 bags to the 1.5 I have sitting around to go to Salvation Army. I couldn't believe it! Then I threw out the packing materials I had saved from my move. Because while I am overall neat and organized and don't have a ton of "stuff" I am a hoarder with packaging. I don't know why. But I have a lot of bags and boxes stored away. It was hard, but I felt really free getting rid of some of them.
I'm traveling today and left pretty early for the airport, but I couldn't help but go through my nightstand drawer before I left (I literally have not opened it since I moved in last spring).
I feel like my eyes have been opened. Most of the stuff that I'm storing in my closets I barely ever use!
I also realized that a lot of the extra stuff I don't use was given to me as a gift, or I got as a hand-me-down from friends. My mother is very sweet and always brings me back a souvenir from every trip, but it's built up over the years. I'm thinking of putting all but 1-2 things in a box and packing them away.
The books I read yesterday, both of which were useful, are:
How to embrace minimalist wardrobe
Simplify
I've always been really into organizing and de-cluttering. When I go visit my mom, I choose one space to de-clutter at a time. I've done most of her house at this point.
Yesterday I drank coffee which I literally never do (blame the pumpkin spice). I went crazy organizing and de-cluttering my apt. Now, my apt. is generally very neat, if not a bit dusty with hairballs. But since I moved in a year or so ago, I never really organized my closets. I have more space now than I ever have, so I didn't have to make the most of it like in my old place. It bums me out on the regular when I look at my closets and they are just kind of messy. I like neatness and organization.
So yesterday I became inspired and bought two e-books on minimalism and read them both. In between, I spent probably 10 hours sorting through my stuff. For the first time, I really looked at everything and evaluated whether it was worth keeping or not. I have always thought of myself as having a pretty lean wardrobe, but I still added another 2 bags to the 1.5 I have sitting around to go to Salvation Army. I couldn't believe it! Then I threw out the packing materials I had saved from my move. Because while I am overall neat and organized and don't have a ton of "stuff" I am a hoarder with packaging. I don't know why. But I have a lot of bags and boxes stored away. It was hard, but I felt really free getting rid of some of them.
I'm traveling today and left pretty early for the airport, but I couldn't help but go through my nightstand drawer before I left (I literally have not opened it since I moved in last spring).
I feel like my eyes have been opened. Most of the stuff that I'm storing in my closets I barely ever use!
I also realized that a lot of the extra stuff I don't use was given to me as a gift, or I got as a hand-me-down from friends. My mother is very sweet and always brings me back a souvenir from every trip, but it's built up over the years. I'm thinking of putting all but 1-2 things in a box and packing them away.
The books I read yesterday, both of which were useful, are:
How to embrace minimalist wardrobe
Simplify
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Not much to report
Not the most exciting title for an update, but it's the truth! I could have sworn though that I posted in August. Anyway, the market is on fire, which is good and bad. I have a bunch of cash that I want to invest, but I don't want to invest now, for fear I will be investing at the high. I know October is usually a not very promising month for the market, so I'll be on the watch for any downturn, no matter how slight, to invest. I saw my Learnvest adviser (or talked to her) recently and we mostly talked about a strategy for investing the cash. We'll see. Overall, I"m about 40% in cash, which would be fine if I were 80, but since I am not, I need to put my money to work so it will grow.
The real estate market in my hood is also on fire. There's a place similar to mine on the market for $150K more than I bought mine for a little more than a year ago. So in theory if I could sell my place for that amount, I'd have to bring about 100K less to the closing to give to the bank to pay off the mortgage. Which is nice, but irrelevant because I have no plans to sell.
I've been pretty good on my expenses lately. I haven't bought a stitch of clothing, any electronics, any furnishings or any sporting goods this month, and there's only 10 days left. Would kind of like to keep it that way. My food budget is somewhat under control. Took lunch all but one day this week.
Yawn, sorry for the boring update! But I guess slow and steady wins the race.
The real estate market in my hood is also on fire. There's a place similar to mine on the market for $150K more than I bought mine for a little more than a year ago. So in theory if I could sell my place for that amount, I'd have to bring about 100K less to the closing to give to the bank to pay off the mortgage. Which is nice, but irrelevant because I have no plans to sell.
I've been pretty good on my expenses lately. I haven't bought a stitch of clothing, any electronics, any furnishings or any sporting goods this month, and there's only 10 days left. Would kind of like to keep it that way. My food budget is somewhat under control. Took lunch all but one day this week.
Yawn, sorry for the boring update! But I guess slow and steady wins the race.
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